I find it interesting that I never really thought magic is useful... it's a bit like Granny Weatherwax says, that if it cannot be done without magic, it's probably not worth doing, and if it can be done without magic, it also should be done without magic.
I also thought that the consequences of magic are too wide and difficult to foresee, and could have unwanted side-effects, so it's better to stay out of the whole thing.
But...
I WANT to be a fairytale witch and a sorceress. I want to make things happen by just a wave of a hand or wick of a wrist. I want to be able to levitate things, to fly, to summon, conjure and invoke things, to stop time, to read peoples' minds: I want Harry Potter magic and Sabrina magic and Charmed magic and Bewitched magic. I want Hollywood magic and fantasy magic. I want to be able to become invisible and see things that happens somewhere else or in another time. I want to travel in space and time by will. I want to be able to curse people and to bless people. I want to be able to turn people into frogs. I want to live forever young and beautiful and irresistable, strong and healthy.
It MUST be possible. Someone imagined it, it must be possible. I just have to find the way.
I WANT TO BELIEVE.
It is really hard, though... I have been very well programmed and conditioned. I believe magic just doesn't exist, and I would be terrified if it did, so my mind protects itself by not allowing it to happen... I wonder how it would be possible to reprogramme me and recondition me to believe that magic does happen and that it is quite normal and possible...
Also, I really don't feel like reading the dozens and dozens of volumes of exoteric and occult literature available on line, vading through Crowley and other "biblical" writings... but I think I should, and I should do it with intention and understanding and read it as many times as it takes to get it...
It feels like a vast and pointless task though... as I really don't believe in THAT kind of magic... and all this talk about demonology, necromancy and sigil magic makes my guts turn.
"In this book it is spoken of the sephiroth and the paths, of spirits and conjurations, of gods, spheres and planes, and many other things which may or may not exist. It is immaterial whether they exist or not. By doing certain things, certain results follow; students are most earnestly warned against attributing objective reality or philosophical validity to any of them."
